Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize