Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
