ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
