She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
