Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
