I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
