I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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