Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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