The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
