i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
