DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
