I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
