You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
