I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
