When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize