i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
