He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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