I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
