I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
