Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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