Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well I just put wine in my tea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize