I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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