meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
