You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
