Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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