I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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