I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
