i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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