Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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