That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A+ Viking dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
