This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
