the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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