Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
