..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
