i jhust puked up my retainher.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
