if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
