I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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