oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize