I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize