Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
