i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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