shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize