If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
