In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
