I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
