I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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