Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
