So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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