Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
