I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
