i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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