sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
