id be glad to
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
