is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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