just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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