he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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