She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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