Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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