I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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