You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
