youre lurking in front of me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
