It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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