my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
