mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
