God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
