are you still at the devil's house?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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