New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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