i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
