Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize