my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
