a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
