hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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