dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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