I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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