maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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