girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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